If you can love it, laugh at it, or lift it, it ain’t heavy.

Good things aren’t bad things unless they keep you from the best things.

If Democrats continue to control Congress, we could get rid of hog farms and live on government pork.

If there’s ever a Crazy Prize for nations or groups, the Islamic crazies that blow themselves up in order to kill innocent people, including children, will surely get a posthumous award.

One of the benefits of aging is wisdom, but some old folks didn’t sign up for it.

Beauty is only skin deep, they say, but some people are too thin-skinned for it to show.

If any insurance company should ever insure a political party against idiocy in energy policy, the premium would be prohibitively expensive for the Democrats.

Of course, life isn’t always fair, if it were, more politicians would be in jail and tort lawyers would have to find honest work.

Life can be like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day: you either lick it or it gets all over you.